Resolutions

I resolve not to make any New Years Resolutions, thus removing the possibility of my failing to keep them. Nobody can claim I failed Philadelphia when I never tried going there.
I resolve not to get upset with or criticize politicians for the stupid things they say or do. I’ll make my position known at the ballot box and throw the rascals out, thus lowering my blood pressure and economizing in my use of language.
I resolve to use my language with my family or friends telling them how much I love them. Words are finite, so why should I waste them on foolish things.
I resolve to break any resolution that others make for me because I get a thrill out of upsetting their apple cart. Spilled apples are good for the soul and keep us humble.
I resolve to interfere with resolutions others make for themselves. I’ll offer a piece of cheesecake to anyone on a diet every chance I get. Life is not that easy and it’s about time they learned it.
I resolve to stop this list before I end up insulting everyone.